When I arrived at the Ashram, I was going to stay here exactly 6 weeks, but as the hour approached, I felt sorry to leave this place. After much thought and hesitation (where to look for an agency, how can I explain what I need in English, all of a sudden, they will throw me there ?!) I decided to exchange the tickets and stay here for two weeks. I remember wondering how long I could extend my stay: two weeks or a week? Feelings suggested that it would be cool for a week. But the rational mind has triumphed in this conflict (why pay a lot of money to exchange tickets, staying only one more week ?!) and I turned to an agency to exchange tickets. As I write a little further down in the text, in such things you have to listen to the heart, not the rational mind. In fact, I missed just a week
The guy at the agency, who made an excellent ticket exchange for Qatari Airlines, collapsed during the exchange of the Russian ticket. I remembered this post much later and asked him to do this exchange, he agreed. But since they already had three days of regular vacation at that time, the boy suggested to me to transfer the money to him in Bangalore, without establishing any document. I accepted, because the impression he had made before was the most favorable. On the contrary, feeling the freedom and impunity, the guy did not want to give me back my money, became impudent and asked me for 600 rupees to make phone calls with Moscow (up to 60 minutes!) And 1,200 rupees to exchange a ticket against Qatar Airlines. What was my question for this extra charge, he carried all the nonsense and tried to confuse me. In the end, I paid him 600 rupees, but not 1200, and when he went to the police he gave me back my money. I was also terribly upset because I felt I had given 600 rupees to no avail …
And, I also forgot to say that with all this, he could not exchange the ticket. I did it myself, calling Moscow for an airline and booking the flight I needed.
So I paid my laziness and reluctance to perform the most basic actions to exchange our Russian ticket. Do not be fooled, including yourself, and you will not be deceived!
I remembered the epic of ticket exchange the day I decided to pay for the last nine days of my stay at the ashram. The military suddenly discovered that I had been living here for 44 days, whereas according to the rules, as they said, it was only 30 days. Of course, these rules have, as always, exploded and are not written anywhere to be sure. I was also struck by the fact that around the world it was about two months on the Internet, what other people told me. As a result, I was sent to the administration, where a serious Indian, questioning me about the number of days left, kindly allowed me to stay. Admittedly, when I was sent there, it was 10 am and was only allowed at 3 pm This is how I spent half a day thinking about the vicissitudes of destiny and asking myself: “What does the Universe want to tell me ?!”
It is necessary to write here that since the moment Dasha left, I lived almost illegally at the ashram. This is due to the fact that in double rooms it is allowed to live only together and you can not live alone, even paying for the entire room. I lived alone in a double room, I entered Katya , who first lived in a stranger, then left for Russia. This is another rule that has not succumbed to any logical explanation and let live in me simply as a fact. I think most likely, earlier, when Sai Baba was alive, many more people came to the ashram than now (and that’s a fact), there were not enough places in the North, and the challenge was to occupy two people, not a guy, even he would pay for the whole room. But now, there are not many people coming in, and when, for example, I was leaving, the top two floors of our north, on which there were just double rooms, turned out to be completely empty, except for my room! Thinking logically, we can conclude that by installing a person in a double room, the Indians would not hurt anyone and, even more, could earn an income for it! But, as I said before, logic can not be applied, it is enough to accept it as a fact: there is such a rule and it must be implemented.
Although, besides me, other people did not fill it, also registering people who had already left. But we all paid for it with torments of conscience and a sinking heart, for Sevadalki regularly checked the rooms, either by entering and examining them, or by asking the living. What’s interesting is that when Katya was still living in Puttaparthi and she could be introduced to Sevadalka as a living witness, no one had ever asked me and did not come into the room to check. I even relaxed and thought that everything favored my stay here after the exchange of tickets. But last week (oh, this last week notorious!), The next day, when Katya left, the cadets were watching every day in my room or torturing me alone or together. And each day, looking honestly in their eyes, I answered that together, roasting at that moment in a pan, thanks to my conscience. And on the penultimate day, for whatever reason, they decided to hang a lock from the outside at my closed interior door! I heard the sound of the castle, opened its internal lock, removed their outer lock, exchanged puzzled looks and asked the only possible question in this situation: “Are you two?” Naturally, I was followed by the only possible answer: “Yes, we are together!” We bowed for it, but why did they decide to seal my door by plating me in the room, this remains a mystery to me, even though they have registration and payment information. opened his internal deadbolt, removed their outer lock, exchanged perplexed glances, and asked the only possible question in this situation: “Are you two?” Naturally, I was followed by the only possible answer: “Yes, we are together!” We bowed for it, but why did they decide to seal my door by plating me in the room, this remains a mystery to me, even though they have registration and payment information. opened his internal deadbolt, removed their outer lock , exchanged perplexed glances, and asked the only possible question in this situation: “Are you two?” Naturally, I was followed by the only possible answer: “Yes, we are together!” We bowed for it, but why did they decide to seal my door by plating me in the room, this remains a mystery to me, even though they have registration and payment information.
I think that is why I would leave the ashram quickly!
As this situation lasted long enough, it often made me think of the question of deception. As I see, they often deceive me. And I wondered all the time why was this happening? After all, I try not to cheat! And here, I could be convinced by my own example that they are often deceived in order to satisfy their desire (as I am in this case: to live in the ashram and not somewhere in a stranger), but the tricked part in this moment does not want to satisfy this desire, proposing stupid rules. And deception simply allows you to circumvent these rules. But maybe if they can be bypassed, then these are not exactly the right rules? Therefore, I realized for myself that if you know someone’s desire, but you do not want to fill it, then either you plug in, this disappointment is inevitable and you accept it, either you you show more insightful, cancel your rules and realize the desire, or think carefully why you do not want to achieve it and openly inform the person who expressed it. Of course, because of his innocence in some questions, you simply can not guess the wishes of another person if he does not express them directly. But then there are lessons of life so that we can gather the necessary experience and safeguard it, deciding what is good and what does not suit us.
The last days at the ashram have been lonely and sad for me, especially since I stayed completely alone: Lena left first, Dasha followed, Katya stayed to the left. I felt more alone in a foreign country. The atmosphere was a suitcase, I wanted to leave very quickly. The right was my heart, telling me that tickets should only be exchanged for one more week, not two! Sometimes it seemed to me that I would live here forever, as a punishment for something … I did not want to leave darshan. All this was very strange, because previously I wanted to live here. In general, the last days, I make sausage too, as in the first ones. What is amazing is the melancholy and jealousy that I leave the ashram, the darshans, and all the others will live here and feel the blessing of Baba. A beautiful moment gave way to the feeling that everything is correct, it should be: I lived here, I have everything I needed and I had to go, learn to live in a place where I should improve my life and where others would come to my home, who also needed help, love and participation. And I realized that I was taking the whole situation, I took it with my heart, not with my mind, who constantly disagrees with everything and wants to change the reality for himself!
I arrived home day to be exact, then 25 hours on three planes. Knowing that I did not endure long journeys, I am very tired, I understood that I was going to stay very long, literally all my life, just the road from home and nothing more … Thanks to this, the flight passed me very quickly compared to all my life!) and I felt very comfortable. And what was my surprise and delight when, in the very first plane that took off somewhere at five in the morning, I found myself a place in business class ! The width and the possibility of taking the horizontal position of the chair allowed me to dive immediately into normal sleep, not into the plane, noting even the suggestion of the flight attendant to “have breakfast”. These few hours of serene sleep gave me strength and energy. I did not even dream of such a fairy tale,
Certainly, in Moscow, I was afraid of not having the time to take the third plane because of the huge crowd of people who passed the customs on their arrival in Moscow. But nothing, I had the time, everything was on time and in a good way!
I remember that I did not have a terrible feeling of depression or discouragement on Russian soil – it helped me to accept everything that happens with my heart. But immediately in Sheremetyevo , I felt embarrassed and dissatisfied with the sound of the Russian language! I understood what people are saying around me and it hurt me to feel! I was so used to it that I did not understand what was being said around me, it was simply deactivated and the whole speech became for me an ordinary street background, noise. I did not react to that. And here in Russia, everyone spoke a language that I understood well and I involuntarily heard what was said, as they say, and with what intonation. And that made me think about what was said, evaluate, approve, condemn, that is, react, if not externally, but inside. It was so unusual, impractical and useless !!! “Well, here we are!” – I thought after all the usual phrase of the tourist returning to Russia.
This is how my life in the Prashanti Ashram Nilayam ended, I hope only this year. You want to feel the light inside of you and just smile at people without thinking that they can think of me!
What gave me life at the Ashram? A hitherto unknown feeling of love, a true unconditional love for me, which began to flow in my heart, so that I could one day give this love to people.