Five days after her arrival, Lena, as she had planned, joined Dr. Rao’s Ayurvedic clinic, 80 years old and about to die in the autumn of this year. She wanted to clean the body and lose weight. In fact, staying in darshan with Lena did not raise any fanaticism and apparently she was bored here: she did not know where to put so much free time and circles in shopping malls, buying just about everything. In the end, it only stopped the size of her bag, in which everything she could buy would not come back.
At the time of his departure for the clinic, we were already four in a room, including Dasha de Sevastopol , 29, who was to stay here until August 14th. She came here a second time, the first time two years ago. Dasha spoke good English and even worked or translated. And here at the ashram, she was constantly helping people with the translation.
There was also a Malaysian girl at an age whose English was not even understood by Dasha . When she told us something, we smiled politely and widely, but do understand that a little bit. Usually, Dasha told us: “And then comes the untranslatable pun!” She arrived just for a week.
A Bulgarian, a sweet and docile woman, very devoted to Baba, went to Lena’s house. The purpose of her stay was only to dive into herself and to be present at all the events that took place with absolute precision, without delay or pass. She spoke very little English and Russian (she had once studied our language at school) and spoke little. She arrived for two months and did not plan to leave until early September.
There was also a curious case of trying to get us a slender little woman. When she studied the room, she immediately decided to restore order in everything: she asked Dasha to undress and take off the clotheslines, told us that instead of eight beds, there should be to have six, she asked me to help her move the bed elsewhere. I did not like the way I do it, she gave me an indication on how to do it. In my opinion, she would have willingly chased one of us from the bed she loved. Finally, arguing with Dasha and feeling our resistance, she went to look for another room.
Like Dasha , who later Sevila (helped to break free from the English word, serve “help”) in the dining room with this woman and spoke to her, she knew, she knew the rules of the ashram and KNOWS how things had to happen, so she was painfully hurt. They do not abide by these rules and she tried to impose on everyone the understanding of these rules. In doing so, she pursued only her own interests and ignored the interests and desires of others, of course, she had not considered them.
As is often the case, when we are certain of something, we immediately try to find like-minded people or impose our knowledge on others, so that everyone around them is the same. , that is to say identical. After all, if everyone does what he wants, we think, then chaos will ensue in the world, everything will fall apart. And we are trying to change the world and the people closest to us, seemingly deciding to argue with God in his understanding of the world order and not knowing that we are thus breaking the laws of God and that chaos is occurring in the world. world with our help.
We talked a bit with Dasha and I made her move to a double room with a per person cost of 65 rupees (45 rubles) a day.
And a week after arriving at the Ashram on Saturday, we moved to the fourth floor. The room had two beds, mattresses, pillows, two plastic chairs, two tables (an improvised one), light and shelves embedded in the wall (like a cabinet without doors), as well as a toilet, a sink, a shower and a small mirror in the toilet. . They only have cold water everywhere, even if the water is hot, and in the afternoon, the sun is warm enough.
And in this room of the old owners were still buckets, hangers, woks, collars. We bought ourselves all other household items, as we have also washed and cleaned them ourselves. Lingerie, however, you can give to wash the Indians for 5 rupees, but I’ve never done it.
The bedding in this room was also there, but we had our own bed since we had already bought it for this room. The room was dark, uncomfortable, dirty too, cluttered with mattresses, pillows, etc., and apparently already standing for a long time without people. We also washed it, brought it in a divine form, throwing everything that is useless into the hallway. What is interesting was the case in all rooms. But everything that was thrown was in the hallway, probably for about a month, and only after someone else, apparently, the teams, the Indians, cleaned up the hallways and removed all the garbage somewhere on the roof or under the roof.
I notice that this room was not the last for us: after ten days, Dasha and I went to the room on the other side, because it seemed dark in both light and energy, uncomfortable and foreign. We both participated for an unknown reason, slept very restlessly, woke up almost every half hour. The new hall was also to be finished, but we liked it.
During these first weeks of my stay at the Ashram, I really wanted to slow down, that is, live without planning, where to go and what to do, and if I had to do something and leave, slowly, capturing my feelings. and my moods at the same time. I absolutely did not want to see everything and learn everything at the same time. I wanted to do what I wanted at the moment, not what I had planned or what seemed best for logical reasoning. I wanted to do everything with feeling. The girls lived at the same pace as in Russia, that is, they planned, thought, with what they could fill the time, with what could be done better today, where to go. If they went somewhere, they would do it at a fast and vigorous pace, plunging into conversation with each other, not noticing the people around them, nor any phenomena or events occurring along the way.
Their pace of life did not suit me, so I constantly tried to get away from them, to walk and do everything alone. If we went somewhere together, then I felt very bad, as if I had raped myself and sometimes even hurt. If, however, I withdrew, this state also had its drawbacks: I remained alone, without communication, and I was no longer invited to a place where I would gladly go with them.
In general, it seems to me that at that moment I did not find any satisfactory equilibrium. And yet I felt better when I had freedom of choice, that is when I was alone.
What’s interesting is that later, I was able to go faster and plan my trips without feeling bad at the same time. Apparently, I needed time to get used, adapt, listen to the vibrations of this place, join the feelings that I had closed. Once this process was over, I could afford the speed at which I was so bad at first. But in any case, I am convinced that, whether we act slowly or quickly, when we are present, listen to our feelings, be aware of what we are feeling right now, our life becomes more beautiful and more interesting. And at the same time, we can no longer harm ourselves by any of our actions and deeds. Because even if we do something wrong for ourselves, useless, we can catch, feel the signs,
So, for example, this happened when Dasha took us to an American and his Australian wife, who were working to smooth the length of a person’s legs and correct the spine and the adjacent parts of the body: shoulders, shoulder blades, thighs.
They were cute, open, behaving well, working energetically, honestly confessing themselves that they did not know how it worked, but people saw the result right away, so they probably trusted. All this was done, as they said, with Baba’s blessing. The feeling of insincerity left me an unpleasant after-taste, when, after perfect manipulations, the American looked into the eyes of a man and passed on to him the love, the love of Baba. Something about it, in my opinion, was sweet, fake, unreal, forced.
There were six of us in the session, while only four were registered and Lena and I were out of the plan. Looking at all this, I was already getting ready and thinking of doing it too. At the same time, I listened constantly, but I could not distinguish anything distinct: I needed it or not. Having decided that since there was no obvious message, since I was here, I probably need it, I removed all the jewels and told Lena that I would go to fifth place.
I must say that the Australian flew only at night in Australia, where she lived for two months. She yawned constantly and it seemed to be tired. As a result, when all four people underwent the procedure, she suddenly announced that the session was over and that they would both take us next week. It was here that I felt an obvious relief, which was for me a sign that I do not need to do that! I was constantly with my feelings and the Universe, on the one hand, stopped the whole process and it was on me, and, on the other hand, sent me a sign that in the future I would not would not need to come here. At least I felt and trusted that feeling.
Lena did this procedure after a week. Dasha and Lena both claimed to have felt both during and after the procedure. I did not observe any visible body modifications, although, as I said above, the leveled legs showed us immediately during the procedure. Again, not all changes occur immediately and not all at a visible level.
And the second obvious case, which I also remember well, was a dog attacking me as I was walking at seven in the morning nursery in front of the mall for meditation.
Here, it is necessary to immediately say several things. First, the dogs of the ashram were not measured, they all gathered in packs and ran to dispute the territory. The barking was sometimes terrible. Seeing and hearing all this, I think many of them have awakened a wild fear of these dogs.
Secondly, I was twice very rude and insulting, driven out of this garden as well as from the garden of all religions, although it happened in the evening around eight o’clock when I was alone. Apparently, one of the unwritten rules, the number of which is incredible, stipulates that it is forbidden for a woman to be alone in the dark places of the day. If she was still there, she was doing it with one intention: to find customers for the night.
At the same time, it was not taken into account that a woman could go alone to the ashram and she simply did not have a companion with whom she could walk, or what to do in the dark most time, there was nothing to do where to walk. a large gathering of people, especially when it comes to freshness, is simply a bargain or the fact that a lot of people hang out in the streets in front of the buildings and I think it’s very easy to find a customer there.
And in general, I have concluded that Indian women’s opinion of white women is not far removed from that of prostitutes. It’s just swimming in the swimming pool in a bathing suit, that is to say “naked”! Or walking in the streets without handkerchiefs is also practically naked (it does not matter if the Indian sari is sewn so that almost all the belly of a woman is perfectly visible, and this is considered normal)! Or again, this strange desire to walk alone in the dark – how can this come to the mind of a decent and decent woman?
And as they are wrong, the customer can be found only at night! And in the morning, you can harvest a dozen! An Indian, addressing me in the morning on the way to the ashram and asking me if I was Russian, asked bluntly when he could see me. When I heard that I was never, just immensely surprised, apparently knowing that the Russians never refuse such offers. Just one day before my departure, an Indian I met for a long time in a Tibetan restaurant regretted my departure tomorrow without even asking me if I was interested in communicating with him?
About the dealers in the shops in the streets of Puttaparthi , about auto rickshaw drivers, I’m silent! Merchants retain their account of love wins and, probably, they compete for the number of hearts won. Rickshaw drivers place mirrors of different sizes on top of the windshield in front of their eyes (their size depends, most likely, on their degree of interest and involvement in the attraction process). Mirrors make it easy to watch passengers and communicate with them without looking back.
The only thing that worried me a lot later was that I did not let loose my anger and did not slap those Sevadals who kicked me out of gardens. At that time, I still did not understand why they were treating me like that, but I already know what I will do for the future if they treat me impolitely.
In the form of a retreat, I note that this is my subjective view of the situation, because the girls, for example, told me that they had never been expelled from kindergartens and that no one had never harassed them with indecent phrases. So everyone has their own experience and their own lessons.
Well, let’s go back to the case with the dog. While meditating in the morning in the garden, I also felt an abnormal interest in me. A glance, or unfocused conversations, or two teenagers stayed long before my nose, until I finally broke down and I left. In general, I was only comfortable for the first time, and then that feeling disappeared. And most likely, I had to stop my morning meditations in kindergarten, but as I was obsessed with “it is necessary” and by what I seemed to be doing a good deed, I continued this practice.
And again, going to meditation, I meet a dog who, unexpectedly for me and probably for herself, grabs her teeth in my pillow for meditation and begins, growling, to take them away. I just told him “Good dog!”, And now I was already very scared. Having exhausted my stock of ” fu !”, “No!”, “Give up!”, “Stop!”, “Get out!” (It may have been necessary to speak English), I dropped the pillow . At this point, the dog did the same and retired safely. A torn pillow with loose wool was left lying on the road. In my stupidest confusion of unexpressed anger, I always went to kindergarten, but I did not go anymore. I just felt that I did not need to walk, I did not feel the pleasure and I did not enjoy such meditations.
This is the sign that the Universe has sent me so that I can listen to my feelings and think if I do what I need or not. If I had more confidence in my feelings, I would understand it myself, but it was good that it was enough to leave me without a pillow and not to produce something more rigid and hard!
And, there was also a meeting with the Tibetan Bassu , who deals with forecasts. For him, the crowds went to ask questions of interest, to work with the chakras. He discovered the date and time of birth, looked at his cards and gave advice. I asked him the only question that interested me: how can I make a living? To which he received his reasonable answer: Baba will tell you. He also advised me to open the first chakra with his help. After consulting my heart, I decided it was a desecration of pure water, which was confirmed to me by another Tibetan, stating that everything was just a matter. However, my feeling was not enough to not buy the pendant, that Basu gave me an evil eye and things like that! 1500 rupees were spent in vain, because I did not even like the silver pendant with a stone … Well, well, live and learn!
By the way, they open chakras in almost every store. Such proposals can be rejected without risk, because, as I understood later, it is impossible for a person to open the chakras by force, without being able to “break” something in his body. A person can open the chakras by working alone or with his spiritual master.